Kim Coates Hates the Internet

Kim Coates Hates the Internet


You know
what I like? I like dry air
hitting my face. The smell of burnt rubber
coming off my hog’s tire. And speed, baby.
Real speed. You know what
I don’t like? I don’t like the
damn internet. ♪ [music] ♪ Everyday it’s tweet tweet tweet
tweet tweet How about you honk your hog’s
horn at the soccer mom when you tell her you’re
coming into the fast lane? [horn sounded] That is the original tweet. Youtube. Vimeo. Daily Motion. Try telling that to
my pal Bone Crusher. He’ll show you
some Daily Motion, like your jaw
hitting the bar, and your body
hitting the floor, and the nurse showing
you the door. So you millennials
think I’m not cool. Really? This isn’t cool enough
for you Generation Y? See how brave I am? Or are you geeks to busy on
your iPads to even notice? Why don’t you take your
fingers off the pad, and put your
fingers on a bike. Pardon my French,
but what is a meme? Is it text and pictures, really? You know when you’re riding,
the only text that matters is a sign that says
Pissing Hole, 5 miles. And the only pictures that
matter are pictures of bikes on a wall in a bar, with biker babes. Someone should take a
picture of me and my hog and put it on the internet,
and just show all these geeks what
they’re missing. Look at this. My ol’ lady, she’ll take this into a
pharmacy, and these pictures will be done in
almost less than a day. [snaps] You know, I’m going to be
honest with you youngsters, for a guy my age, I’m really
good about navigating the internet, but I’m even better at
riding’ this frickin’ bike. God dang it! I hate the internet. [his motorcycle isn’t cranking] I got it. I think I’m
good now. Yeah, I’m good.

13 thoughts on “Kim Coates Hates the Internet

  1. I will gladly give whatever internet points i win for commenting first to give this man acting lessons

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